I think that this distant feeling is all in my head. I try to look at it from different angels. Negative and less negative. Maybe I am momentarily replaced. I am not considered anymore. I am boring. Uninteresting. Or maybe I just am overthinking and nothing is going on. I hate being an over analyzer. It always upsets me. I upset myself more than anyone upsets me. In retrospect everything is dandy and mighty peachy. My best friends are all coming together and things are looking up, but in my head I feel so pushed away and unwanted and paranoia rears and I feel something will end. I feel everyone I care about slipping away…but I’m never gonna tell anyone that. It doesn’t even matter, because my unhappiness is all mental and fictitious. Only I can control it and I cannot depend to feel reliant on others and I cannot expect anyone to cheer me up. I cannot put hope in anyone anymore and I cannot be so surprised every single time I am disappointed. Because every single time I am disappointed.